Victim's Love

The rains had stopped. I stretched my hand out of the grilled window and it felt damp. Up above the moon was playing packman with stray chunks of clouds lighting them silver from one end, shimmering them from within and reemerging from another corner extinguishing a brief hope, before gleefully passing away leaving the cloud in a state of nonexistence in the dark night. Philosophy gave me some respite to figure out if I was the moon or the clouds. It was certainly the cloud tonight, the victim.

The resolution let out an involuntary deep breath leaving me and brought my attention to the heaviness of the jewelry. Mom had insisted. Irritating as it was the heaviness was least of my concerns. I was bracing to pay a price a heavy price and it would scar me for the rest of my life but then I had resolved to pay it.

I am the victim, I was the one who was going to pay the price, and I am the one who is going to be scared for the rest of the life. The harder I tried to be the victim the more rotten I smelled every attempt at strengthening my logic made me sicker. The inevitable was about to happen any moment now.

Soon he would walk in through the door and present himself to be slaughtered. This was the night when I would, finally be free. My breath felt a little heavy and I could feel the eye muscles hardening and my heart was struggling to beat steady.    

TDH was my childhood love I loved TDH more than he would ever know love, and I was only doing this for TDH. The logic till this step successfully made me a victim but the train of thoughts did not stop there. I was not doing it for TDH, I was doing it for me. I battled on; I am doing it for the Love of my life! No. Just Love! No. Just me…

The moon was relentless and kept on attacking the clouds. I shook my head, I could have been just any other girl excited about her first wedding night, but I was far away from excitement.

I sensed him behind me, even before I heard him. He was standing across the room looking down. He did not meet my eyes but stuttered;

“Friends forced me to have a drink, I hope you won’t mind”.

I just looked at him, trying hard not to betray anything, feeling a huge sense of pity.  

He stood still at his spot, stealing a glance at her he said;

“You look beautiful”.

Before I could react he said;

“I will brush my teeth and be right back”.

I looked at him as he vanished into the washroom.

It was his destiny. He was born into it… How could any one love some one like him? Yet he was the perfect candidate, he had nothing to loose, he was neither attractive, not had an ambition and to top it all was an orphan. Stupid, moron. My skin cringed at the thought of being in the same room as him, yet I was standing as his bride.

Baba’s reading of my chart were never wrong, “the stars don’t lie” he had said …

“My first husband was destined to die, on the night of the wedding”.

Then I would be free to marry my true love and live a life. 

I did not want my life as a gift; I was going to pay for it. I would lie down and let him, slay me through the night, as many times as he could.

In the morning I would be free. The thought of letting him even touch me made my insides revolt, but then I braced. This was the price of my life and love and I was going to pay it.   

He sat on the same bed looking at me and said;

“I can give my life for your happiness”.

The moon finally won over the clouds and the faint white light sprayed the room as I looked up to his face and for the only time in my life I saw love.